day 15

6:34 pm

generally, i feel ok. i don't crave a drink that often, so much as i find myself in situations where others are drinking, or i'm driving to a place where people will be drinking, and i think to myself "why can't i just have one?"

and then i remember why.

__

kristen and i went to a comedy show at the moon last night. she kept saying "god i feel like how do you even watch a comedy show without drinking?" and hinting at getting a drink, i blatantly ignored her because i was too afraid that i'd say the wrong thing.

she of course, got a drink. i simply asked her what she got. she looked ashamed and said "long island iced tea. i dunno. i figure i'm doing well, it's been 4 days since i drank." i didn't even realize it was that recent. i looked away. she asked "what's wrong? you seem sad." which happens, well, every time she does this. i shook it off and said "i'm 14 days." she took a sip. "you're so strong. i'm so proud of you." she gulped more down as i muttered something about it not being easy.

"you're so strong, i'm proud of you," means so little between sips of a long island iced tea. i wrote that down in my phone last night.

i think it's about time to make the firm decision, 2 weeks in, that i have to keep away from bars for awhile. it's less the temptation... i've been staying strong with not drinking. it's how i feel when i'm there, not drinking. i realize how little i enjoy being there.

and honestly, the temptation may not be there because i've been so poor lately. once i start making money again... it may become an issue. better to get in the habit of not going to bars at all for the time being.

i know i can do this. i'm honestly thankful that it's getting a little challenging, because it was starting to feel too easy.